Head Water Ground

How did we end up in the remote village of 'Kbarl Dteuk Graom', translated into 'Head Water Ground', on a bleary Sunday morning last month?

If you like comfy beds, food you are able to recognise and can't stand the sight of livestock being slaughtered, better look away now!

It all began when our neighbour Sombath invited us to come away with her and her husband Vanno (yes, our surname with an 'o' on the end) to go and visit her brother in the village of Kbarl Dteuk Graom in Kompong Speu Province.

What transpired on that weekend can best be summed up as a series of 'incidents', the most entertaining of which have been included below:

GETTING THERE - After somehow managing to fit Vanno's motorbike in the boot, we set off in a 12-seater minibus which began to stop and collect random people from the roadside. At one point we thought an old man with a live chicken strapped to his wrist was going to join us, but at the last moment he jumped into another mini-bus. Phew!

REALISING WHAT WE'RE IN FOR - After a two hour minibus ride, which consisted mainly of puzzled looks from other Khmers, and another half hour on the back of a moto, we finally arrived in the middle of nowhere - Kbarl Dteuk Graom. The naked children, tin-roof houses and absence of any concrete or tarmac told us that this was probably the poorest village that we had visited to date.

GOING TO THE TOILET (Part I) - The first episode to cause hilarity amongst our guests involved Laura and the toilet...or lack of one, as there was no toilet in the entire village. After asking Sombath were the toilet was, Laura's friend duly informed the entire group that Laura would be heading to the fields. After being gone for over 15 mins, everyone was worried and a search and rescue team of Sombath and her sister-in-law were sent to the field, where they ended up coaching Laura in the art of the 'field squat' and returning to the house to tell the group. Much laughter, although little of it from Laura herself.

THE PRIZE CHICKEN - As soon as we had finished our lunch of sour fish soup (yes, it is as bad as it sounds), we discovered that beneath our table was the prize chicken, being kept in a small wooden cage to preven it from escaping before dinnertime. I decided to stick around and see what would happen. It went something like this: Sombath's brother grabs chicken; holds it by the neck and starts plucking feathers from the throat area; after that, he gets a large chopping knive and slits the chickens throat before draining pretty much all of its blood into a bowl. The chicken was throroughly dead and I was thoroughly disgusted, although I've got the pictures if anyone wants to see them!

THE DODGY LOCAL BREW - After being offered a can of 'Hollandia' beer (an Asian brew, bizzarely) and accepting, I could see what was coming next. Vanno started on the hard stuff - first the Palm Beer followed swiftly by the Palm Wine. The later is what tipped him (and his drinking buddies) over the edge, me thinks. The next few hours consisted of me trying desperately to avoid drinking the deadly stuff and Vanno drinking my share for me, until he was totally plastered and started to ramble in English . Although his sentence structures were making no sense, I discovered he actually had an impressive vocabulary. After enduring this for a while, I went off to look for Laura and Sombath and let Vanno begin the process of 'regurgitating' what he had been drinking for the past few hours. The fun you can have in the middle of nowhere.

THE VILLAGE TOUR - By the time Sombath, Laura and I set off on our tour of the village, we already had an entourage of around 25 kids, who kept a safe distance of at about 20 metres. Walking around the village, Sombath would proudly tell the villagers qom we met our whole life story: from where we'd come from, how old we were, how much we paid a month for our house, that Laura was suffering from a severly sore butt after being knocked off her bicycle and, of course, that although married we did not yet have children and what the reason was for this! There are no secrets in rural Cambodia, we have discovered.

THE MOVIE DINNER - By the time the prize chicken had been finished off, stripped naked and boiled in pieces (including the head and other 'bits' by the way), we already had a crowd of around 40 children. Having done my best to entertain them, I decided to join the others for dinner. Sitting on an elevated table-cum-mat, we proceeded to eat our food with around 40 kids and 20 adults, some sitting in seats, all watching us intently gobble every bite. I swear I saw someone on the back row whip out some popcorn while someone else brought out a large cup of soda. Entertainment, village-style.

THE NOT-SO-GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP - We soon discovered that we would be sleeping in the tin shed that was attached to the house-cum-corner shop that Sombath's brother and sister-in-law owned. Having placed a ridiculously thin plastic mat ontop of some wooden slats, Sombath informed us that it was time for bed...or whatever you wanted to call it. After chuckling to ourselves for quite a while and trying to fall asleep, Laura decided that she needed the toilet once again. Without light, she stumbled through the door and began heading for the cow field. Before she knew it, the guard dog was after her and she came running back, eventually going out again with the assistance of Sombath, who by this point must have thought poor Laura was incapable of going to the toilet by herself.

THE GREAT ESCAPE - The following morning we did manage to escape, in quite similar circumstances in which we had arrived. I say escape but actually we both had a really awesome time in Kbarl Dteuk Graom and beyond its poverty, simplicity and more challenging way of living, was a beautiful village with stunning scenery and equally beautiful people whose curiosity in their foreign visitors was matched by their hospitality, friendliness and sincerety.

I think there's a good chance we'll be back in 'Head Water Ground' before long. Got to find out why it's called that next time we go...